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Men and Women

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On men and women

Upgrading from GirlFriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0

Last year, a friend of mine upgraded GirlFriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving very little system resources for other applications. He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 also is spawning Child-Processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application. Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system initialization where it can monitor all other system activity. He's finding that some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5 and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before). At installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.

Some features he'd like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0:

  • A "Don't remind me again" button
  • A Minimize button
  • An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 to be installed with the option to uninstall at anytime without the loss of cache and other system resources
  • An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which would allow the systems hardware probe feature to be much more useful

I myself decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with GirlFriend 2.0. Even here, I found many problems. Apparently, you cannot install GirlFriend 2.0 on top of GirlFriend 1.0. You must uninstall GirlFriend 1.0 first. Other users say this is a long standing bug which I should have been aware of. Apparently, the versions of GirlFriend have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. You'd think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse, the uninstall program for GirlFriend 1.0 doesn't work very well, leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system.

Another thing - all versions of GirlFriend continually pop up annoying little messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0.

Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then, Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.

To avoid the above bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and never run any file transfer applications, such as LapLink 6.0. Also, be aware of similar shareware applications that have been known to carry viruses that may affect Wife 1.0.

Another solution would be to run Mistress 1.1 via a UseNet provider under an anonymous name. Here again, beware of the viruses which can be accidentally downloaded from the UseNet.

Upgrading from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slowdown in the overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable programs such as NRLNote 1 5.0 and RugbyNote 2 3.0. and now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?


Tech Support Reply (part 1)

Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Try to enter the command: C:/I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0. If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create Snoring Loudly WAVE files.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.

I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,

Tech. Support

Dear Tech Support (part 2)

Dear Desperate:

Check that your version has not been infected by AFLNote 3 10.0. This is revealed by a failure to boot up on Friday evenings with attendant failure to receive any audio input. This is a condition with fortunately localised effects but which is beyond any possibility of removal. Should this infection occur we recommend that Husband 1.0 be declared a Bad Sector and that you drag and drop him into the recycle bin. Bestfriends 4.0 and Hairdo 2.5 can then be downloaded.

It could be that Husband 1.0 is not an OEM version. Counterfeit copies are vulnerable to the viruses Lust 1.2.3. or Sloth 0.1. We recommend that source code be interrogated and compared with that of BIBLE 1.0. This may be accomplished remotely but to give the best download speeds we recommend that the offending program be installed in Church:\ 24.7 where virus scanned code may be viewed. Corinthians 13.2.13 has proven particularly effective as a patch.

Note: the Encrypted KJV version of BIBLE 1.0 can be difficult for unpractised participants despite having more powerful code but can be very effective in extreme cases, particularly when a Firewire connection direct to the Revelations portal is used. This procedure can eliminate completely the rogue Satan 6.6.6 protocol.

If reprogramming of Husband 1.0 is effective it may be possible to avoid the need for the upgrade, though users of Husband 2.0 have reported good performance when the fully patched British version is obtained.

Hope this helps.

Tech Support


  1. National Rugby League
    Go back
  2. Rugby Union, a somewhat different game to League
    Go back
  3. Australian Football League (Aussie rules)
    Go back