It is with great sadness in my heart that I pass on the following:
Please join me in remembering a great icon - the veteran Pillsbury Spokesman. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The gravesite was piled high with flours.
Longtime friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very "smart" cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he was, as a crusty old man, still considered a roll model for millions.
Toward the end it was thought he would rise again, but alas, he was no tart.
Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough; two children, John and Jane Dough, plus one she has in the oven. Doughboy is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for 20 minutes.